I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
