I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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