he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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