I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
