Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
