I love black thongs
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
