cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
