saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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