Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
