This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it glows. i had to have it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
