i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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