dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
