Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
