The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
