I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
