I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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