she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
