How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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