A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
