She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
