And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
