I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We just shotgunned beers for America
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
