Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
