The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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