I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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