Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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