One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
