I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
