Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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