I need to stop coming to work sober
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
