I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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