Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
