hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
