at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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