I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
