I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize