so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
