I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize