I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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