im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
