Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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