Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
