he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
