Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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