You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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