i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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