All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
