I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
