She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
