found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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