I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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