you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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