So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
