he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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