i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
