we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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