So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
