That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
