we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think i got beer on your cat.
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