if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
