Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
