dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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