About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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