I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
