when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my shit smells like andre
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
