Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
