Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
