I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
