I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
