If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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