He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
