he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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